The Past

This is a poem I wrote quite some time back, and never really finished, so now I've tried.........

I sit here in a stupor
Wondering just what to do
Looking all around me
And feeling rather blue.

I'm not sure what to offer
Or even what to say
I'm looking all around me,
And watch as skies turn gray.

My life is full of turmoil
With things that shouldn't be
I cannot stand the anger
Or words that come too freely.

I try to keep the noise down
To entertain the kids
To keep the housework finished
And make sure things are hid.

To make sure meals are ready
And that I'm always here
Or if I go off shopping
To always be right near.

I cannot speak to neighbours
Especially not the men
So most the time I sit here
With paper and a pen.

My friends don't come to visit
Most felt they couldn't stay
And seldom could I visit them
So now they've gone their way.

I often walked around in fear
And worried how to act
Afraid to say the wrong things
And trying to use some tact.

Things were always screwed up,
Filled with stress and strife
I felt like quite a stranger
Instead of someone's wife.

I always felt so tensed up
Not sure of what to do.
Until things reached an impact
And the fear in me just grew.

The anger seemed to grow within me
No longer could I hold it in
I left to do my own thing
But knew I'd never win.

And on that fateful day
When I went to see a friend,
I came back when I wanted to
Instead upon demand.

That night turned into terror
When I got punched in the face
Then the police were called upon.
While I tried to seek out God's grace.

It was a night so filled with fear,
All alone I sat that night
My children in another's care
So full of fear and fright.

Life changed for us completely
Within that awful time
When fear took over all my life
It was an awful crime.

Thankfully things change with time
And fears start to subside
My life changed so completely
And God did so provide.

Those things are distant memories.
Life goes on, although it is subdued
No matter what went on within the past
We can only live our lives right through.