My 2nd born child

!haha i serisely got just passed around from house to hosue while my mom was in the hospital having becca....one day it was my brothers and then the next day it was my uncles!!!! it was just becasue becca was so hard to bring into this world...the see section and all but i was a purfect 7 pound baby who just came right out!!!!!!lol
Well after reading this from my daughter, I've decided to write something about her birth.
After waiting many years to finally get pregnant and carry through the pregnancy full term, the day finally came when I went into labour. I had to call my husband at work and ask him to come home. We were both excited as we had been married for 11 years, and despite our attempts to have children, I either couldn't get pregnant, or when I did I miscarried usually early in the first term. We had gone the route of trying various things, and medications, and I'd been on Clomid to increase our chances of fertility. I did get pregnant a few times during that period but never seemed to be able to get very far into the pregnancy before I suffered a miscarriage. Eventually we stopped all the extra efforts, and we decided that if it was meant to be then it would happen. I never stopped praying about it, and asking God to bless us with a child. While I had many miscarriages, I finally found a doctor who was able to give me hope. He felt my body was not producing enough progesterone which was necessary to carry a pregnancy full term. When I became pregnant again, and was able to find out early, they started me on progesterone, which I continued for a certain period. It worked! While I was sick alot during my pregnancy, I did manage to carry thro' full term.
I can't begin to even describe how happy and blessed I felt that God had finally answered my prayers to have another child. I really didn't care if it was a girl or boy so long as the baby was healthy, although I must admit, I was secretly hoping and praying for a beautiful little girl. As my labour progressed, I worried about what I might have to go thro'. The birth of my first child had not been an easy one, and I almost died. Despite that, I was prepared to take that risk, and desperately wanted another child. As the labour progressed, so did the pain. I had a lot of back pain, especially in my lower back. At times the pain thro' my back was so bad I hardly knew what to do with myself. As things progressed, I tried my best to keep things as natural as possible. Finally the baby was born, and I was so happy to find out it was a beautiful, healthy 7-pound 14-ounce girl. I got to see her briefly before they whisked her off to check her and hand her over to her dad. Almost immediately I felt like I was drifting away, and they were working fast to take care of me as I had hemhorraged. It was awhile before I was able to see & hold her, but eventually I did have that opportunity and I was so thrilled to finally hold my new baby daughter in my arms. God let me be ok, and blessed us with a healthy child after all the years I'd waited. My firstborn son was 17 years old, so it had been awhile, and I was elated. My greatest and most heartfelt prayer had been answered.
I was anxious to breastfeed this baby, and determined that I was going to do that. Unfortunately my daughter had other things on her mind, and unfortunately had already been given a bottle while I recovered after the delivery. She wasn't nursing properly. Anxious to succeed, I spoke to the nurses & health nurse, and was given several methods of trying to encourage the nursing, via a few different types of tube feeding, and pumping my milk. I was allowed to go home 3 days after her birth, on my birthday, and it was a wonderful birthday present. I'd like to say that things changed overnight, and she started nursing right away, but it took quite a number of weeks of pumping milk and trying to feed her again and again, till she finally latched on. She was also colicky during those first 5 or 6 months, but I didn't care. I was so just so happy to have my precious little girl that I was just happy to hold her & cuddle her and take her everywhere. Her daddy seemed pretty happy to have her here as well, and seemed to delight in holding her and checking on her at night time. My parents were delighted and thrilled with the birth of their first
grandaughter. My mother had fun knitting for her, and going out and buying some adorable little dresses for her. When the day came that I had to return to work, my parents offered to help us out by looking after her. That worked out great, until the day my mom's health worsened and she stared suffering with congestive heart failure. At that point I was forced to look for someone else to look after her, and was fortunate to find a wonderful Christian lady who seemed to enjoy caring for children. During those days and times, I was always so happy & delighted in spending time with my precious little girl, and feeling so blessed with such a wonderful and amazing gift. She was indeed a true miracle from God, and worth every bit of pain & work that I had to go thro' to have her. Love you so very much Jen. One day,(and I hope it's many years from now) when you are older, I hope you will know the joy & blessing of holding your own precious bundle & miracle in your arms. xo xo xo xo

My daughters birthday

Yesterday was my daughter's birthday. I let her choose where she wanted to go for dinner, and we ended up at A&W. The food was ok, but it sure has changed a lot from the days I remember it from. Anyway, that was her choice, so that's where we went. I can't believe she is already 11 years old. Only one more year and she'll be officially old enough to babysit. Wow, that's so hard to believe. She's my last born, and 'my' baby, and she's getting so grown up, just like her big sister.
When we were done eating supper, we decided to go up and walk thro' WalMart to get a few things. The girls decided they really wanted to go over to our Pastor's house to see his family, and most of all their newborn baby daughter Esther who was born only 6 days ago now. I didn't want to just land in on them, so I got Jen to call and make sure it was ok, then went looking for a little gift for their other two adorable children. I figured since we were taking a gift for the baby, it was important for the kids to know we hadn't forgotten about them. Isn't it amazing how a little baby doll, and a toy jeep can hold their interest for awhile?
My girls were so thrilled to be able to hold this little newborn girl. I just can't imagine where they got that fascination for newborns...lol Hmmm, I've always loved and enjoyed holding a newborn baby and marvelling at the miracle of such a wonderful and amazing creation. They are so innocent and perfect and tiny at that time, and I can never seem to get enough of holding a newborn in my arms and cuddling them close as I watch their little chests go up and down and marvel at their tiny little fingers & toes. God certainly gave us a beautiful and amazing gift with the creation of our children.
I remember back to 11 years ago when Becca was born, and I was so thrilled at the precious gift & miracle of life that I was blessed with. Now there were times when I doubted that I would be here to share her life with her, after I hemhoraged badly even after the C-section, and I also had a bad reaction to the epidural. While I hemhoraged, they handed my newborn daughter to her father, tied my tubes, and closed me up and gave me the medication I needed to stop me from hemhoraging. That first day I was unable to even get out of bed, or change her diaper, but despite how I felt, I insisted I be allowed to nurse her. When they tried to get me up the following day, I found I couldn't even sit up or hold my head up without terrible pain. As I continued to get weaker, they ended up trying several proceedures as they felt I had fluid leaking from the spine. When I continued to get worse, and slip in and out of consciousness, they finally realized I was not in very good shape. My husband called our family doctor in an effort to get something done, as I was not doing too good. I truly felt I was sinking away, and not going to make it. Turns out I was indeed going downhill. When my family dr. came in and saw what was happening, he arranged to give me blood transfusions, and my Christian friends held me in their prayers. By the grace of God I did survive, and was able to finally come home with my newborn and be with my other daughter who had been passed around amongst my family and friends who took good care of her. What a welcome relief that was, and certainly an answer to prayer. I am truly thankful for both of my daughters, and so glad that I have been given this time to be with them.

This past weekend my family went to help some friends with their roof. I'm afraid I wasn't very much help as I'm not able to do a whole lot. It was really cold and damp, and that only helps add to my pain and stiffness. Unfortunately there was a lot to do and those who were out working were trying to do all they could despite the cold damp weather, and the rain the following day. Time is becoming an issue, as the weather continues to get colder.
Saturday I came back home and got some food, and picked up a friend then went back to attend a ladies potluck dinner which we were supposed to be going to. Part way thro' the evening, someone informed us that it was snowing outside. YUCK...it's just too early for it to be snowing. It's still October. It can't be. Despite the ground being snow covered, and the snow falling down rapidly all around them, a number of the ladies put on their swim suits, and braved the elements and ran outside in their bare feet in order to enjoy the pleasure of the hot tub. I didn't take my suit, so I sat and spent a little time with my knitting, and waiting till someone decided to come back in. When my friend came back in, we decided to get ready and head home before things got too bad. Well there was much more snow than I had expected, and it was still coming down quite hard. I wasn't sure if I should go down the highway, or one of the back roads, but since the visibility was getting worse I didn't waste any timd, and decided to head down the back road. Between the driving snow, and the darkness of the night, it was really difficult to see much of anything in front of me. There wasn't much of a choice but to keep on going so that's what I did. I drove slowly, and just kept my eyes on the middle line. When someone wanted to drive past, I slowed down and let them pass me. It was a little scarry at times esp. since you could hardly see anything at times. It took us a lot longer than normal, but we needed to both get home, so I just kept my hands on the steering wheel, and kept driving. I can't believe we had all that snow so early in the year, but it happened. Thankfully most of it was gone by the following day, but it was a reminder of the snow that is to come....one that I did not need and one that I can certainly wait for. Perhaps it won't come for awhile!

Plans change as we take things one day at a time

Sometimes the best of plans are changed overnight, and we never quite know what to expect in life.
Recently my eldest daughter came down really sick and complaining of stomach pains. She was unable to keep anything down in her stomach, and the pain was getting worse, so I ended up taking her to emergency at the hospital around midnight one day. Since my husband was away, I had to get my youngest one up out of bed, and we headed off to the ER. Once checked in, she ended up having to have a variety of tests done, was given different medications for the pain, and also for infection. Since nothing would stay down, they finally ended up giving her some needles, and also putting her on an IV in order to try and settle things down. This seemed to do the trick and she was able to finally doze off and get a little rest while we sat there with her. At 6am they decided to send her home as they couldn't really seem to find anything wrong. My youngest came back and grabbed a little sleep, then went off to school, while I layed down for a few hours. By the afternoon, Jen was back up with a fever & still in pain, so I went to get a prescription filled to try it. The following day brought more pain, that just wasn't going away, so off we headed for the ER again. This time we had to wait 6 hours in order to be seen by someone, and all the while Jen's pain was getting worse, and she's had nothing to help it. When they finally took her in, and checked her out, they had to order more tests, and call in another doctor. At that point in time, they finally decided her appendix was the problem and wanted her admitted, with surgery scheduled for the following day. This time at least, her sister was at least with friends and getting some sleep. I decided to stay with Jen, and went with her to her room. She was on IV and given pain medication, and an antibiotic as well, so we both decided to try and get some rest.Unfortunately her pain was not improving at all and she was in a lot of pain, and really couldn't rest. Around 3am, she was up in tears complaining that the pain was worse than ever, and unable to get comfortable. We called the nurse, who in turn contacted the doctor, and she was given more pain medication. Then they checked her temp. and discovered it had gone way up to 39.6 oC, which I understand is pretty high. The nurse didn't waste anytime calling up to the surgeon, and I knew something was up, and her appendix had likely burst...and I was right. The surgeon was just finishing up with another major surgery, and didn't end up wasting time having her sent up to surgery to have her appendix removed. Between surgery and recovery, she was gone for 2 hours. I was left to wait by myself in the front lobby till the doctor came out to tell me that the surgery was over and had gone well. I was told to go back down to her room to wait for her so that's what I did. She was back in her room before 5:30am, and was awake, and complaining about the tube that ran down her nose to her stomach. I'm sure it had to be pretty uncomfortable. With surgery over, I stretched out on the chair that folded out into a bed, and tried to sleep with little success. Jen tried to rest, but with the nurses coming in and out, and the noise in the hall, we were both lucky to doze off for a few moments. Jen is pretty sore, and in pain, and running a fever but she's doing ok,and had a few visitors over the afternoon. Someone whose name I won't mention, came in and took her picture with the tube still in her nose, so she wasn't very impressed. Hmmm, I'm not sure why! Ok guess I wouldn't like that either, but it does seem interesting when it's someone else. Hope I get to see that picture. Her father happened to show up in the evening, when he got home early and found a note so he came over to the hospital.
With the evening came the reality that I wasn't going to be able to go away for the weekend with the rest of the ladies as planned, but as much as I'm sad to have missed my weekend away, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else when my children are ill. They are my life and I hope they know how much I love them. I'm just glad that I was still at home and not away when she took sick and had her appendix burst.
We are certainly blessed to have some amazing friends and very caring people in our lives. Many came to visit, or called to see how Jen was & brought in or sent little gifts, and spent time praying for her.
The doctor decided to release her earlier than we had expected, so she was home on her 4rth day there, and a few friends still came to visit her at home when they found her checked out of the hospital.
She's doing better, however still in pain, and very tired & weak, but at least she's eating something, and moving around a little better. Later on in the week she will have to go to get her stitches removed, then we will see what the doctor says about her returning to school. I understand that she won't be allowed to do anything strenuous for at least 4-6 weeks now, so that means she won't be allowed to take gym at school, or do any sports for now. I'm sure there will be a few things she will be disappointed to miss out on, but for now she needs to take care of herself and get better.
Hopefully she is on the mend and will never have to experience that kind of pain again!

Migraines & Roofing

This past weekend we planned on working on our roof and replacing all of the shingles. The large garbage bin was delivered on Thurday. Unfortunately I wasn't able to be here or help out with much of anything. The girls were both home sick, and I finally resorted to going over to the emergency at the hospital after spending two weeks with a migraine headache. I had been assured that they now had some new medications out that were used to break a migraine. I did a lot of debating about going as I really hate having an IV, but the pain was getting so bad, and just turning my stomach so much that I just couldn't stand it any longer. I was gone all afternoon and part of the evening. I spent over 3 hours waiting for them to actually come & do anything and to see a doctor. While I waited they had provided me with a room in the ER, and a stretcher to lay on, and turned the lights off so I could have some quiet, and darkness as the lights were really bothering me. Unfortunately I wasn't there long before the police ended up bringing in someone to the room beside me, and the noise & swearing & talking was non-stop from then on. There were 5 police officers in the beginning, but by the evening only 3 seemed to remain. There seemed to be a few scuffles, and I heard a lot of stories, and pleading. When the dr. finally came in to see me I was just getting ready to leave as I couldn't lay there anylonger. They did put an IV in, and as usual, ended up with it in my elbow which makes it rather uncomfortable as you can't bend your arm. They tried one dose of medication, and left me for an hour, then finally came back and came me another dose. I'm not really sure if they would have given me anymore, but the migraine seemed to be easing up and I'd had about all I could stand of the noise next to me, and just trying to lay there with the sheets falling off, and such an uncomfortable bed. I'm not quite sure what they gave me, but thankfully it helped. I was actually pain free for 3 days straight which was certainly a blessing for me, and none too soon.
Jen has been amazing helping me to clean around the house before any people come over. Rebecca has also been pitching in, and my wonderful friend Mona came & gave up her time & spent the day cleaning my kitchen and baking banana bread for us. She is such a blessing to me as are my two wonderful daughters, and I am so thankful that they are willing to help out as I really don't know how to keep up with everything.
On Friday, I had to run out to take my father shopping and pick up some groceries for us as well. I wasn't sure how many people were going to be around over the weekend, but I tried to stock up on things. When school ended on Friday, people began to show up. Jen & Becca were already here, and a number of other's began to arrive, and rushed up to the roof and began working right away. In two short hours they had scraped all of the shingles off each level. I knew they were up there working so hard, and I spent some time preparing food for dinner. They worked till it was too dark to do anymore.
Sat. morning arrived, and while cool, it was bright & sunny. I rushed out to take my dad to dialysis, while Earl & the girls got ready for people to arrive and grabbed something to eat. It wasn't long before there was people all over and up on the roof working, fixing up things, replacing plywood, and beginning to shingle. Along with the food I had prepared, a few of the ladies had either sent or prepared some extra food for me to put out, so we were blessed and had no shortage of things to eat. They worked steady all day, and they worked hard. Some came & left early, while others arrived later, and stayed later. We needed them all. As evening arrived, we realized that it wasn't all going to get finished, but the most of it was covered, and things were covered up with something. I noticed there were a lot of stiff, hurting bodies around that evening, including myself. I may not have been up on the roof, but I was constantly on my feet, preparing food, serving things, and making more things. It was sure good to sit down that evening, but I seemed to have overdone it and the pain was not about to let up very quickly. I didn't sleep very well because of the pain, and I understand there were a few others who felt the same.
I can't begin to thank all of those people for their hard work up on the roof and for all they did to help us out. We could not have done any of it without them and we are so wonderfully blessed to have such special and caring people in our lives.
Thank you Lord for all you have blessed us with .
During the night we had a thunderstorm and it rained. Well I suppose if it's gonna leak, now's a good time to know if it's gonna leak or not. It was raining in the morning again, so we all got ready and went off to church. I noticed a number of people struggling with pain & stiffness in their joints & muscles from doing more than they had counted on and weren't used to doing. Praise God, the sunshine came out while we were in church, and we decided to ask for help if anyone was able to join us.
We rushed home to change and I got some food ready for who ever might arrive to help. By the time Earl & the girls went out, one man arrived, and a little while later, a couple arrived, and then a few more people. Despite still hurting, they gave up their Sunday afternoon and rest time to come & help us out. God is indeed good, and so are these children of His! I can't begin to explain how thankful I am for all of their help. Even when it started to sprinkle a little, they kept working. When darkness ascended upon us, some of them still kept on to make sure most of the job got done. That evening brought more rain, and the following day brought dark clouds, and showers. Bill & his workmate stopped by after work and finished off some different jobs, and Earl has spent his mornings, trying to organize things, and return leftover shingles & wood etc.I'm sure glad to have that job behind us. Now all we have to do is pay for it all. I can't believe how much the cost of things have gone up. Last count left the cost at $2300. and there are still some more things to add it...yikes. It's done, and they did a great job, and it was something that did indeed have to happen.
There were a few mishaps, a show thrown into the garbage bin, a few falls into vent holes, some scrapes & scratches, and lots of mess to clean up. A job well done, and hopefully will last for at least 20 more years! Roofing brought together a lot of caring people and I hope we can help them out sometime in the near future.

Summer Vacation

I can't believe how much time has actually passed since I last posted on here or even looked at it. My summer was busy. There always seemed to be something happening or we'd be going somewhere. Jen did a lot of babysitting, and I had to go and pick her up at different places. We also went to visit a few friends and did some swimming in their pool. I have continued to take my dad to dialysis 3 days a week as well. Dad turned 80 this summer, and had to end up giving up driving so it's meant more running for me in taking him out to do errands and shopping but I don't really mind as I'm usually wanting to get out places and pick up things myself, and I know how hard it can be when you don't have a vehicle and no one to take you places. It's hard living on your own esp. when you've had someone living with you and in your life for 50 years. I think perhaps some people have no idea of what it's like to be stuck on your own, or dependent upon others and in need as well as being very lonely living on your own with no one to talk to. For years I've heard all these stories about enjoying one's 'golden years', but I must say, I am having trouble understanding where those golden years actually are for many people. Oh, there are some people who might be blessed in having both the money, the time and the health to enjoy those years, I am finding that there are so many more living with poor health, financial difficulties, and just unable to get out and do anything.
I watched my mom's health get worse and worse over the years, and saw her suffer in pain from her arthritis, and heart condition. Her latter years of life were not very enjoyable. Many of them were spent in and out of the hospital, and totally relying upon help from someone else. Now I watch as my dad grows older, and his health gets worse, his vision is failing, and he is having to depend upon someone else to get him out and around. Since he was unable to keep driving, I ended up with his van. It's older than the one I had, but definitely in better shape inside and out.
In August we had booked some time away at a cottage near Bancroft, so I ended up having to spend time finding and organizing things, doing extra laundry,buying extra groceries, packing things up, and getting ready to go.Earl had to end up working right till the last moment the night before so I had to rely upon both of my girls to help out and thankfully they are old enough now that they are able to help out with many of these things, as well as pack up their own things, and locate things which I'm unable to do. I was really thankful for all of their help this year, as I was having a difficult time getting ready. They even helped with loading up most of the things into the van.
The night before we left we had an unexpected, and totally unwelcome visitor. A black and white animal that has been living somewhere nearby and visiting our yard and those around us. You guessed it...a skunk. This nasty little creature decided to venture into our yard up near our back door right at the same time as our dog Honey was outside. I was sitting inside the house, and the smell suddenly took my breath away, and I found my eyes burning and that was with all of the doors and windows closed. I yelled for my daughter to let the dog in only to be met with a smell that grew even stronger. I looked out the back door to see the skunk just walking along taking it's time as it sauntered around the yard. Great...I was trying to get things packed up and my plans were quickly changed. My evening was spent grabbing the dog, and taking her down to the laundry tubs and giving her an in depth, scrubbing, and cleaning as my eyes watered and I gasped for breathe. We didn't have any tomato juice in the house, so I just did my best with what I had at such a late hour. Of course we had to put up with the smell all night and open all of the windows to try and freshen the air.
By morning we had to spend time packing everything up, and loading the car so we could head out for our vacation. Finally, some time away, with no deadlines, no committments, and no time schedule to follow. Just what I was needing and looking forward to.
We made pretty good time getting to the cottage, and it was wonderful to get up there by the lake and into the place we've been to for a number of years now.
Mornings to sleep in, days to sit by the lake or go into town or visit with someone and just relax. Time to sit and feed peanuts to the chipmunks and the bluejays, and do some crafts or read a book. Evenings to go down and fish at the dock and watch the sun set across the lake. What a beautiful view! Nights to sit by the campfire and roast marshmallows, and listen to the total peace & quiet of the evening save for the call of the loons back and forth to one another. Time to sit and look into the skies and to wonder at how many stars there actually are in the sky. You sure don't see that many when you live in a town or city with lights all over. A very short holiday that we wait all year to enjoy!!

A Few Special Sites to Share

http://fibromyalgiahelp.homestead.com/PastorPhyllisPoems.html

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/fibro_chronicpain-support/

Busy times, pain & blessings!

This seems to be one of the busiest summer's that I've ever had. I feel like I'm constantly on the go, running here & there, trying to get my dad places, taking the girls places and picking them up,going to a few friends places, but still not making it to all the places I would like to be able to go. How can things be so busy that I haven't got time to have coffee with a friend, or go to visit someone for a little while? I'm still trying to figure that one out. Guess by the time I get home after running about, I come in and have other responsibilities, or I'm ready to crash. Just trying to keep up with the basic housework has become such a chore for me. I had hoped this summer would be a better one for me with the pain, and it had started off that way, but the past few weeks the pain in my legs & back has been awful. Some days I go to stand up and feel like I haven't got enough strength in my legs to do anything. I know I've got too much weight on, but it's such a vicious circle. I'm supposed to try and exercise, then when I do, the pain gets worse and it lays me up for longer than I care for. The added running around takes time, and just the basic job of going shopping leaves me in such agony that I cannot do anything more than I need to afterwards. The pain & cramping in my legs gets so bad, that somedays I'm not sure how much longer I can stand it. You see I have two bad knees that are full of arthritis. Some days it feels like bone rubbing against bone. Other days the pain seems to spread up and down my leg and make it worse. Eventually I will have to have surgery on my knees, but they don't like to do anything till you're older. Perhaps because their are a lot of people who are worse afterwards, and the success rate isn't so good...? I also have the osteoarthritis all through me, and although it seems to be worse in my knees, there are days when the pain is really bad in my neck & shoulders, or my hands.
The heat & humidity that we seem to be experiencing this summer also is hitting me hard and causing more swelling, and pain with the fibro and arthritis, and for some reason with the fibromyalgia, our internal thermostats don't seem to adjust properly and we tend to feel the extremes in temp. and have more problems. When it's hot, I seem to feel extra hot, and these days I've been feeling like I ran into a brick wall at full speed or had someone run into me with a truck. Thank goodness for the air conditioning in the house. I don't have it in my car, so I've really been noticing it this year, because I've had to be out running about so much. Isn't it funny how we use words like that...because I'm really not doing any actual running. I only wish I could somedays.
Then there are days when I'm not too bad, and I try to enjoy those days and times the best I can. The pain medication helps, and so does the anti-inflammatory, but it certainly doesn't get rid of things. If I miss one of these pills then I certainly know it. I'm really not complaining. Life goes on and I do the very best I can most of the time. I feel blessed to be here, and to have this time with my children & family & friends. There was a time after the delivery of my youngest child that I almost died, and thought I'd not be here to see my children grow up. They are all wonderful miracles in my life, especially my two daughters who came along later in my life. I thank God for every day that I am here with them, and able to do as much as I can.

My house is very cluttered, and at times I'm afraid it's not always that clean. There are many things that need fixing, but we either don't have the funds to fix things, or the time & energy. Because of that, there are a lot of jobs that need to be done and things that don't seem to get done. Jen is a wonderful help when it comes to cleaning and she had certainly helped to organize some things, but she's often busy with her own schedule.

We've been blessed with some wonderful friends who help us out, and spend time with us, and allow us to spend all sorts of time in their swimming pool, and at their home for various activities. There are so many other people in our church who have become such special & caring friends, and I am so very grateful for all of these special people in our lives.

To add to these special blessings, I have discovered so many wonderful friendships via the internet, and come to know some very special people who have touched my life, and been there for me at times when no one else was there, except for my heavenly Father.

I live with pain daily, but one day that pain will be gone when Christ takes me home to be with Him. I pray that these wonderful Christian friends I have found will be there to walk with me thro' those golden gates of glory when I can walk without pain once again.

Until that day, all I can do is to do the best I can, and just take things one day at a time.

Blessings & Hugs to all who read this.

Special Events at our church

Gee it's been awhile since I last posted anything. Right now I'm really busy with various projects for our church, helping my dad with things, getting work done on the cars, and keeping up with my kids while they are home for the summer.
For anyone who happens to read my blog, I just want to let you know that our church, Orangeville Alliance Church is celebrating our 10th anniversary with some various activities over the long weekend (Labour Day weekend) in September. For anyone interested in attending, here's the info:

Agenda

Friday...Evening, informal get-together (dinner out, dutch treat)
When & where to be announced later, or upon your RSVP.
Saturday… 4 pm Meet & greet @ the deMan’s, then help to celebrate the union of Haley Mitchell & Josh Cornelius at 5 PM!
Sunday...Service is also at the home of Garry & Mona deMan’s. Start at 10:30 am (refreshments before service)
Special Music
Welcome & Congratulations (special guests)
Dr. Peter Hay (guest speaker)It will be nice to have him back
Pastor Darryl
Special Music
Lunch provided after Service! Bring your bathing suits and come prepared to have some fun & time visiting with one another.
RSVP to: Donna: d.matheson@rogers.com before Aug. 20 or after to: Debbie: sitcom_mom@hotmail.com, or dbuckle@sympatico.ca
Or 519-941-6024 (Church phone #)
Pictures of past events over the past 10 years would be really nice to have if you could email, or mail them out to us, or bring them along that weekend. Thanks.
Have a great one all!

A few sites I'd like to share

http://www.restministries.org/
A place with devotional's, esp. for people with chronic pain & health problems.

www.rbc.net RBC Ministries
Our Daily Bread devotional's

http://www.orangevillealliance.com/
My church website

http://orangevillealliance.com/v-web/bulletin/bb/index.php
Touch Community Conversations

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Do you have peace in your life and in your heart? Do you have the feeling that there is something lacking in your life? DO YOU KNOW GOD?

If you want to fill the void in your life, then seeking God is the answer. Why not pray this simple prayer and by faith invite Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit:

Dear Father, I acknowledge that I am a sinner, and that I have made a choice to do things my own way. I need you in my life. I thank you that Your son came to this earth, and suffered & died on the cross on my behalf. He willingly gave His life for me, and I now invite Christ to come into my heart and to fill me with Your Holy Spirit. You have promised in your word that all a person has to do is to come to you, and ask you in faith, and accept your love. Father forgive me my sins and come into my life. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with your Holy Spirit. Amen

Resting in Him

Over the past few months, I've been fighting depression, and experiencing a flare-up with my fibromyalgia. I have good days and bad, but lately there have been more bad than good. I certainly hope that a change in weather brings about a change in this fibro flare, and that somehow there will also be a change in things that are going on in my life.
Today the pain has been really bad. It hurts not only to get up and walk, but just standing or sitting. The pain is all over, from my fingers to my toes, from my head & neck, thro' my back and down my legs. My legs,neck & shoulders seem to be the worst of these areas, and I'm really weak getting up and down the stairs. I've been sitting here in a fog all day and feeling like I needed to get some paperwork done, but unable to concentrate on any of it. I get really frustrated with myself when I get like this and nothing seems to really get done around here. I know I need to be doing more, and I really do try, esp. when I'm having a better day. After reading someone else's blog today, I'm beginning to realize that perhaps this is one of those days when I need to learn to rest in the Lord, and be content in His surroundings and start counting my blessings and be thankful for the good days and for all I have been blessed with in my life. A roof over my head, food on the table, family, friends, a place to worship & praise God, and the ability to be able to get up and sing in our worship team. All over this world there are people so much less fortunate in all of these areas. I need to remember them and ask God to watch over them and to bless their lives & enrich them. I need to be thankful for a day to just rest as I need to and to enjoy the wonders of having a computer and being able to communicate with others thro' it. Even when I am confined to my home by my pain, I am never alone. God is with me always, and I have a means of reaching out to others thro' the phone & the computer. Amazing creations...
There are others who need my prayers, and I need to make better use of these days of rest and spend more quality time reaching out to my heavenly Father, and take my focus off of what I'm feeling, and as I do this, learn to Rest in Him.

Reaching out...

It's hard to understand sometimes why certain things happen in our lives...why we have to deal with various illnesses, or losses, or see our loved ones suffering, or even be going thro' our own ordeals.
I keep praying about things, but find it difficult to understand why I don't always see answers to those requests. I'm slowing learning to realize that everything has to work according to God's own time & plans, and that sometimes when we don't always see the answers to certain things, it's not because God hasn't heard those requests, but that He has His own plan for things, and that sometimes we have to learn to wait for the answers. I've also come to realize that sometimes God does say NO. I can't begin to say I understand why or how come things work that way. I know as a parent there are times when I have to learn to say no to my children. Sometimes that's not always what I want to do, but for various reasons, no sometimes has to be the answer & response to some things. We have to learn to look at things, and make decisions according to what we see & know. Sometimes it hurts to say no, and sometimes it hurts to say yes, and to allow my children to take wing and to learn to start going out on their own and making their own choices. I suppose our heavenly father is the same way. There is only so much He can do for us, and He has given us all the freedom of 'choice', and making our own choices, even tho' sometimes we make the wrong choices, and have to suffer because of them. We all have to learn the difference between right and wrong. We also have to learn communicate with our parents and our children and with others all around us. In the same way, God wants us to learn to communicate with Him, by reading His word, and by talking to Him in our daily walk, and fellowshiping with others. It's hard to know what someone is thinking if they don't communicate. We certainly have many advantages open to us nowadays that we can use for communicating. We can talk in person with someone, we can phone them, we can write them or we can email them, but we have to take that step of reaching out and trying to communicate, and talk to others. I'm not saying it's easy for everyone. I know it's sure not for me. I struggle everyday with reaching out and learning to talk to others and to communicate my feelings.When we are able to talk to others, it can be a blessing sometimes for both parties, and be a way to let others know you care about them. Sometimes it's a way to just let others know how you yourself are feeling, as well as to share & be encouraged. Sometimes when I do share something, it's only to be cut down or discouraged because of what I might say or how I think, and then I find myself withdrawing and backing off, and not wanting to even try and share with that person again. Sometimes the trials & problems of my life feel overwhelming and I just can't move past them, and I struggle with the feelings of depression and not being able to reach out to others. It's during those times when I need someone to reach out to me and to try and understand what I'm going thro' or to just listen. It's during those times it's sometimes hard to even reach out to God and to pray or to read my bible. I know there are others out there who have felt that way as well, and that I'm not alone. It just feels that way sometimes. I do know that no matter what, I am not alone...that God is there ALWAYS, and He will listen and reach out and understand when I certainly don't. He loves me despite my failures and despite my sins. In the same way, I love my children no matter what. They are a part of me, and I love them with all of my heart & soul, and I know that my love doesn't compare to the love God has for me or for others. He is a loving God, and when we make mistakes, sometimes He may punish us, when we make choices that go against His wishes, or desires for us, He may also step back and allow us to learn from our mistakes, because we do have the freedom of choice. That's what I do must learn to do with my own children. Sometimes I just feel like He is so far away, and that the problems in my life will overtake everything else. It's during those times I need to keep trusting in my Father to look after me and to help me get thro' those times. He also wants us to reach out to others in Love, and to uphold them in prayer.
No matter what our needs or desires, we just need to know that God is there for us and He just wants us to follow HIM, and reach out to Him thro' all we deal with.

Yet another thing..........

It may seem a trivial matter to some, but it's only been a week from today since I lost my one dog. Mother's Day is hard enough at times, because I miss my own mother, and because I never hear from my one & only son on special occasions such as this day or any other day. He feels he has valid reasons for staying away and doing his own thing, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I try to pretend it doesn't matter, when it really does. I know we all suffer a loss at some point in our lives,and it isn't easy for anyone. Sometimes, it just seems like there are so many losses & dreams that fall by the wayside as well as through the cracks. How do you go on? The only thing I'm finding I can do is to try and keep praying and laying my heart and soul at the alter for God to see & pick up. All I can do is to try and pick myself up, wipe off the dust and keep tying to move on. Life goes on no matter what I do anyway.
Today I have to take my other dog to the vet for her regular checkup as well as to see what I can find out about a lump she has on her side that has doubled in size almost overnight. All I can do is to pray about it along with my children. I don't want to think about anything else happening to this one, esp. right now.
At the moment, I need to get some sleep before the morning comes, so guess that's what I need to go and do.

Rainbow Bridge

It's hard to say where our pets really go, but for now I can always hold on to the hope that my faithful 'fur' friends and family members will all join together in heaven one day. I always liked this story about the Rainbow Bridge so thought I'd share it.

Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...


Taken from the Pet Loss Grief Support Website

Losing a fur friend

This past weekend, Mother's Day, I lost a close family friend. Someone who always listened to me, if I shared my hopes & dreams, who was there for me all of the time,who offered comfort, as well as friendship,was a loving companion, and was just there, willing to accept whatever time I had to offer.
I know some people won't understand my loss, or my families loss. Others might think I'm crazy. But for anyone who shares a love for animals and their family pets, they will understand.
This past weekend our dog Casey came down sick. He continued to get worse, and wouldn't eat at all. What little fluid he managed to get down just came back up and I was worried about dehydration. Apparently that was a genuine concern. Apparently by the time we rushed him to an emergency vet clinic, he was dehydrated and in shock. His organs were starting to shut down and he was not doing very well at all. It doesn't take very long for this to happen when your pet is not keeping fluids down and it is difficult to force fluids into them if they won't drink on their own.
The on-call vet, which he had to be taken to was 25 miles away. They began working on him immediately and got him on IV & oxygen, and trying to stabalize him as they proceeded to do x-rays & blood work, and various tests to try and determine what was wrong with him. My husband and daughter had taken him in, and were finally told to go home as there wasn't anything they could do at that point by staying. There were several phone calls back and forth and eventually it was determined that he had cancer in the pancrease & liver that was spreading thro' the area and they really didn't feel there was a lot they could do for him. We decided we did not want to see him suffer, and with great difficulty, made the decision to have him put to sleep. My husband & daughter went back down, and were with him while the vet injected the medication to end his suffering. I wish I had the courage to go with them, but instead I fell apart emotionally and just broke down in tears. To add to my upset, the crying left me with a migraine and I spent the rest of the day in tears, and in bed.
I was pregnant with my youngest daughter when we got Casey 11 years ago. He was a cute little puppy, only 6 weeks old when we got him, and quickly fit into our family and lives. He loved to go for walks and to be with us. He usually slept in whatever room we were in, or came to lay beside us. He let us know when someone arrived home, or if there was someone at the door, or a few times when we had prowlers outside our home. The children grew up with him, and he was loved by us all. My husband felt he was his dog, the kids thought he was their's, and for me he was mine. He was a friend to us all, faithful & loving right to the end. He loved his food, and anyone else's that he could get, but there were certain things he seemed to look forward to. One of those things was fruit.If you were eating an apple or banana, or even picked one up he was right there waiting for a piece. This morning as I peeled my banana, I broke a piece off to share with him but he wasn't there to share it with. When I had an apple the other day, he wasn't there waiting for the last bite. When we get up in the morning, he's not there asking for his breakfast or to go out. When 5:00 pm arrives he's no longer here talking to me, reminding me that it's time for his food & pill. Funny how he seemed to know the time of day! For about a half hour he would pace back & forth, and look at us and bark to let us know it was time. No longer is he there at the door to greet us as we walk in the door after being out somewhere, or bugging to go outside.
Rattle his leash, or shake a bag out and put it in your pocket and he was right there in anticipation, waiting to go on a walk. Those are just some of the things that he did, and how he shared such a big part in our days.
We've had a few rough times when he was sick after eating something he shouldn't have, when we've had to rush him to the vet and leave him there for care. There were a few times when it was touch & go if he would make it, but our wonderful vet people somehow managed to save him for us. It wouldn't be the first time that I've sat by his side on the floor of the vets operating room waiting for him to open his eyes after an operation, and just sitting there petting him and talking to him, and letting him know how much I loved him and giving him a reason to keep on going. We were there with him as he suffered his first seizure, and as they started getting worse. During those times all we could do was sit by him and pet him and talk to him and let him know we were there and that he was going to be ok. We spent a lot of money looking after him and trying to keep him healthy & ok, but he gave us so much more in return.
This month he would have been 11 years old. I suppose if he hadn't developed cancer, there may have been more they could have done for him and perhaps he would still be here to share many more years with us. They often say that dog years are equivalent to 7 of our years. Well if that's true, I suppose that would make him about almost 77 years old. I'm not really sure if that's so, but I do know that the average age for dogs like him are around 12-15 years.
Casey is gone now and I can only hope that he is no longer suffering and that he's crossed the rainbow bridge for our pets and is up there running about with all the other family pets we've lost. He is gone, but certainly not forgotten and I know it's gonna take awhile for the heartache to ease and for the awful feeling of loss to lessen. Right now it is all too fresh, and I miss him terribly.
Our last dog, Cindy lived to be 18 years of age. She was definitely more my dog than anyone's, but certainly a special family companion. She did have a good life and when she had a stroke and lost the use of her back end, and could no longer get around we were forced to do what was best for her. Unfortunately we've also lost a few other pets early. The dog Casey replaced, Scottie, only lived to be 7 years old. He too had cancer, that showed up in the lymph glands in his neck and caused his face & neck to swell up so he was having problems breathing. It was an Easter weekend when he lost his life to this, just 11 years ago. Years before that we had also had a cat. Sampson only lived to be about 6 years old and took sick one Labour day weekend, and died. We felt he had been poisoned, but we were never sure.
Thankfully we still have our whippet Honey, and only a few years ago we decided to provide a home for a cat that we got from the humane society. Her name was Greta, and she was a lovely 8-10 month old tabby cat when we got her. It didnt' take her long to fit into our family or to make fast friends with Honey. Casey accepted & tolerated her, but I can't say they became fast friends.
Honey runs to the door when one of us comes in, and when she goes out she stands there looking as much to say "where's Casey?". They were friends & companions together. At least Honey & Greta still have one another.
Life goes on, and thankfully we are still blessed to have two special family pets to care for and love. Hopefully they will live longer, & healthier lives, and be around for many more years to come.

Where is God

Look all around you
At skies so blue
The clouds so soft & flowing.
The trees reaching out so tall.
Each spring those trees sprout buds,
And from those buds come flowers & leaves
So fresh & new & vibrant.
Flowers push their way thro' the ground,
And bloom in brilliant colours,
With many scents that flow gently thro' the air.
Birds spread wings and soar thro' the heavens,
Or perch upon the branches singing,
With a wonderful melody that fills the air.
Many animals, insects & bugs come to life,
Such beautiful, delicate creations
That never cease to amaze.
Rain, snow, sleet & hail fall from the skies,
Each drop so similar, and yet different.
After the rain, we are sometimes amazed
By the aura of colours as a rainbow appears.
Lakes, rivers, oceans & seas,
A collection of droplets which have flowed together,
And formed a bond from one to another.
Each one unique in it's very own way.
So many wonders & sights to see,
Such beautiful colours, & glorious views,
In each creation, each flower, each tree,
Each sunrise & each sunset.
The stars, the sun & the moon,
All visible signs of creation,
With the most intricate one being that
of the creation of mankind.
Truly an amazing & wonderful design.
Can you truly look around you
And not see God's Glory,
His splendour, His beauty, His love.
Take time to find the silence,
and to truly listen all around you.
Take time to see His beauty,
It's all around you
In everything you see.
How can you even question or doubt?
God's love is so amazing,
A great wonder, for all to experience.
So look all around you,
And delight in His glory's,
And know God is there all around you!

written by D.M.

A Friends Love

You are a gift sent from heaven
A special gift of love
Your arms are a haven
Your love so strong.
Your hands gently comfort
As they reach out to all
Your faith is a blessing
And your prayers are from God.
Bless you for giving
Of your time, and your love
Of your energy, care and your self!
You show God's grace in all you do & say
So thank you for sharing
God's precious gift of friendship
But most of all His Love.

H E L P ~ I NEED YOUR PRAYER

How are you? This seems to be a common question amongst people, or a way to communicate when you meet someone, but do people really want to hear how you are, or do they only want a simple answer of acknowledgement. It is easier to just say I'm fine, how are you, or I'm doing ok what's up with you? What happens when you break that pattern and tell someone how you really are, or what a miserable day you're having? Are they interested? Do they really want to listen & try to understand? Do they really care????? That's something I've often wondered and found people got flustered with when I exclaimed that I wasnt' doing ok or I was struggling. The last time somone asked I was having a really bad day. So do I lie and put on my happy face and pretend that life is a bed of roses? Well the last time I was asked how I was doing I responded with "I'm surviving". The lady looked up at me and said -"you know there are a lot of days I feel the same way, and wish I could just say the same". She did understand and had some compassion and we both smiled back at one another and she went back to her routine questions as I went on with my day and all it's problems.
Ok I know that despite the trials & things I face Jesus is there for me. He is there to hear my prayers, and the cry of my heart and he will hold me up no matter how I respond or what I say.

I'm just wondering how others cope when life's many struggles seem to overtake them and consume their lives. When you are struggling are you able to reach out to someone and ask for help, or ask for prayer or are you afraid to bother people with your problems? Do we need to expose our deepest thoughts & secrets or how we're feeling and explain why we need help? No, not unless the person is truly interested in it and it's something we feel in our hearts we need to share. Jesus promises to be there for us no matter what. It doesnt' matter what the time of day or night is. He will hear our pleas, and our cry for help. He loves us no matter what. We just need to reach out to Him. Sometimes I struggle and have a hard time asking for His help or praying so I need to be able to ask others to pray for me, and just trust in Him to provide.

Right now is not a good time to ask me how I'm doing. I need to reach out and ask for help. Please uphold me in prayer and just ask God to give me guidance & strength to get thro' a difficult time.
I really need your prayer support right now, so I'm using this blog as a cry for help.
God Bless You.

Frustration

Despite many blessings, good friends, and some really great things in my life, life still sucks, and is a constant struggle. Why...how come? I've reached the point of having had more than enough. More than enough what....of struggling with things so constantly and so frustrating & difficult. Whatever, despite it all, life still goes on!